Nobody to Rely on
by Everywhere Yet Nowhere
Summary: .:One shot, DemSai:. Amongst musing about what he has become, Saix finds that he is the only one who can save Demyx from a sticky situation. He'll find from there, that some questions will never have answers.


**Nobody to Rely on**

**A/N: There was a great response to my other DemSai, Handcuffs... so I thought I'd write another for one of my favourite pairings in the world. I want to see more of them, dammit! Thanks every one who reviewed.**

**  
Late Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all :D!**

XxXxXxX

There was nobody to rely on. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to understand; even if they were facing the same reality.

It was impossible to call any of them friends or family. It was impossible to call the select few he'd had those sort of encounters with lovers. It was even impossible to call any of the beings that inhabited that castle comrades. Comradery implicates unity- the ability to rely on each other for what is needed and wanted. Togetherness. The "always be there" mentality.

He'd had all that- so long ago. Or maybe not. Maybe a short time ago had been when he'd had family. When he'd had friends. When he'd had comrades. When he'd had unity.

When he'd had a heart.

The only thing that unified the Nobodies was that one, all-consuming desire that was their existence. Missing hearts. Missing hearts that they would do anything to get back.

It was an unspoken fact that that anything stretched far enough to truly mean anything. What wouldn't they do- what wouldn't any of them do to feel again? To take the shadows and make them real? To make the smile on their face a true smile that meant they were truly happy.

The question stretched further than that. What had they already done to become whole? Committed crimes that he never would've thought he'd be capable of. He'd become somebody his old gentle self didn't recognise. He'd become somebody he truly didn't like.

Saix gently slipped off his gloves and put them in the pocket of his robe, then lifted his hands before his face. He looked at the gentle shape of each finger, delicate yet strong. Slightly calloused where he held the claymore's weight in his grip- it gave them character, he used to think. There were hands he recognised. Hands that had touched people. Hands that had learnt, and felt.

But they were also hands he didn't recognise at all. How could they be his hands? Under the light of Kingdom Hearts, where he stood and marvelled so often, he felt like he was watching himself. He wasn't in this body. How could he have become this? No matter how he looked. Now he was only looking at his hands, but whenever he looked in a mirror... and saw that scar... saw those eyes... the curve of his ear... the bud of his lips. He knew in a way it was him. Yet- how could it be him?

How could've he become this monster? How could his old self have turned into this sociopath, alone... evil?

So alone.

Tilting his chin up, he looked at the wonder that was Kingdom Heart. The obscure moon lit his bright eyes and he marvelled at it. He trusted Xemnas as much as he could trust anyone. The Superior suffered, Saix understood that. All the Nobodies suffered, and number I was someone who could lead them back to the light- if that was possible.

"Can you give us what we desire, Kingdom Hearts?" he asked her, above him, his lips moving only slightly. He raised his arms as if he were worshipping a God. "If we give you what we desire, can you give us the same?"

There was no answer. Alive as it was, Kingdom Hearts did not have a personification. It was a symbol only. A symbol of evil... of darkness and of light. But most of all, a symbol of hope.

But hope was an empty thing to have when you have no heart to endorse it.

"Is someone there?!" a voice called. It sounded frantic, and frightened... full of emotion and music.

It sounded familiar.

Saix dropped his arms quickly and looked around the area. His sharp yellow eyes saw no one, but the hairs on the back of his neck rose and he knew someone was near. Someone had heard him... and he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. So he called out himself.

"Show yourself!" 

"Saix! Saix is that you?!" the voice called back... so musical and playful. "Oh thank God... please help me!"

"Where are you?" Still though, Saix didn't know who the voice belonged to.

"Here! Help me, I slipped-"

Someone was asking for his help? One of the XIII was asking for aid?

"Where?"

"Follow my voice... I'll... sing."

And the voice did sing, a song which he did not recognise, soft and sweet. More like a lullaby than a song. But it led Saix right to the edge of the castle... right to...

"Demyx?"

Demyx was hanging from the side of the castle. Both gloved hands gripping the white stone as the ground below grinned up at them, beckoning Demyx down to his doom. So far down, it would kill him. Indefinitely.

But the Berserker did not move. Not a finger. Not an eyelash. He barely breathed.

Saix smelled fear. Fear. Demyx was scared? Was that possible? He stood high above the Nocturne and stared emotionlessly at his stricken face and watery green eyes. Such eyes! Under the light of Kingdom Hearts. Bright and full of life. That's exactly what this Nobody appeared to be. Alive. More alive than the rest of them, sure. He was without his goofy grin though, and Saix thought it fitting. The fake happiness Demyx insisted on displaying always left him with a foul taste in his mouth

He saw right through it into the horrible truth which he wished wasn't truth. Demyx was rebuked again and again for his façade... but he did not change.

Only now, did he change. But still- fake emotion had been replaced by fake emotion. 

Or was fear instinct? They still had instinct, Saix would vouch for that.

"Saix. Saix... help me! I slipped. Help me up!" Demyx was certainly panicked, aware only that Saix was off in his own world and was showing no intention towards saving him. Who knows how long he'd been here. Suffering.

Was this mere coincidence? Saix mused now. Demyx would surely fall to his death if he did not help. Yet why should he help? What did he owe Demyx?

"Why are you just standing there?" The eyes pleaded. It was like they sung a song of their own. He remembered eyes like that, so long ago. Yet he didn't remember who they belonged to. They were beautiful. The voice that asked of him was beautiful too, musical and light even in fear. In fact, that fear was beautiful.

It wasn't fear of death. Death with a heart is something to embrace and not fear. It was fear of fading. A much worse fate. Loss of existence without regaining their heart. Never would they live again with emotions.

"I don't know," Saix replied, his voice soft, but his face hard. There were no emotions or prerogatives to dissect in him and this terrified the man hanging below him even more.

His fate was in the balance, yet what balance was there in his only hope: Saix?

"Help me, Saix! I can't hold on. Please. _Please._" __

What a plea! So resounding... why wouldn't he answer it? What was stopping him? Old Saix would've helped him, Saix told himself. No matter who he was. He wouldn't have let Demyx die. He wouldn't have stood here and let a man suffer.

So would a Nobody let another Nobody suffer?

"Why won't you help me Saix?!" Demyx demanded, his hands coming dangerously close to the edge. He was slipping, and both knew it. He had minutes, at most. "I would help you!"

"Would you?" Saix returned quickly.

Demyx looked up again. His breath came in gasps and his eyes widened. "Of course I would help you! You think I would let you fall. Who would do that?!"

Saix let the faces of Organization XIII sift through his mind and thought about it. It was divided he thought... some would help him, some wouldn't. But you couldn't rely on any of them as definite aids.

Here, you couldn't rely on anyone. 

Saix crouched though. And put his bare hands around Demyx's wrists. Hope flooded into the eyes and Saix felt his stomach do a flip he didn't understand. It was almost a random movement, after so little. Almost random that he would save him.

He could've just as easily walked away and let him drop. No one would know. And how could anyone care?

"This means nothing," he whispered to Demyx's ear, hauling him effortlessly up and pulling him back so he landed hard on Saix's chest.

Without leave, Demyx clung to Saix's chest for a moment, his head nestled into the hollow of the Diviner's neck. Demyx's breath was warm on his skin and it came fast. He was relieved, Saix could tell. He shook. He murmured to himself in a language Saix wasn't sure he even understood. There'd been uncertainty for what had been an eternity, he hadn't known if Saix would save him. And in truth, Saix hadn't known himself.

He didn't know why he let Demyx rest there. Let him cling. Let him try and draw warmth. He didn't know why his stomach clenched and unclenched so badly it felt like he would be sick. He didn't know why he was enjoying Demyx's sounds and his soft sea-breeze scent. He saved this Nobody. He saved him from certain demise.

Why?

"Let go please," Saix found himself saying, pushing slightly on Demyx's head. He didn't want him holding him any more. The sensations bought questions that he either didn't want to answer, or couldn't answer.

Demyx looked up, loosening his grip on Saix and still breathing hard. Saix could feel his breath flood across his skin as if it was a real caress. It both sickened him and lit him up. He looked at the Nocturne and found that the smile had not returned to curve his lips, but had come back to his eyes.

He flicked his gaze from Demyx's eyes to his lips, transfixed as he formed his next words. He thought that all that might not have existed, if he'd just decided not to help Demyx. He'd taken a step back instead of forward.

"Thank you Saix... you saved me."

"Let go of me," Saix repeated, unable to respond to the notion that he may have saved Demyx. He had, he knew. But it had just added so many questions to the things he thought about as he tried to slumber, or peered up at the shimmering hope above them.

Demyx let go then, and moved off Saix. The loss of his weight made Saix feel at a loss for more. Warmth... and something else. But again without leave, he shuffled closer and sat beside Saix, looking up like he was. Saix thought he was gazing at Kingdom Hearts too, but he suddenly said:

"It's going to rain soon." And Saix knew those eyes were on the clouds.

"How do you know?" Saix asked.

"I just know," Demyx's reply was simple, but it made him glow and sure enough, the first clap of thunder sounded rumbling across a world of darkness which never was and reaching the ears of two beings who were never supposed to be.

There were so many things that could be said then. So many ways where the night could go. Each wondered what to say to the other, or even if they did want to say something. In terms of the Nobody's version of closeness, they were not close. They barely spoke. Saix had openly admitted finding Demyx a distasteful waste of his time, and Demyx had realised that getting a rise in the temper of this Nobody was foolish.

For he truly was a beast.

Why did he wait to save Demyx, was a question they were both thinking, and if he waited... why did he save Demyx at all.

Demyx was the first to break the silence. If he wasn't still shaken from nearly falling he would probably be more talkative than this. His childlike demeanour was hard to shatter. At any other time, getting him to be this quiet was nothing short of a miracle.

"Would you like a kiss, Saix?" 

Saix looked sharply at Demyx. He did not just hear what he thought he heard! Why would he want a kiss from Demyx?! Why would he...

Did he?

No wait...

"Do I want _what_?" His yellow eyes were the colour of corn, hardened by the sun.

The blonde did not even have the decency to blush. No, perhaps decency wasn't the word for it; Demyx was just plain unabashed.

"A kiss. I thought it was better to ask you, you know. You're just going to get angry now, aren't you?"

Does this boy just say anything that comes into his head?! Saix snarled in his head. But his face was still shuttered against the storm of the Nocturne. Still. Why was he looking at Demyx's lips.

He was finally smiling. A small, graceful think, lifted more at one corner than the other.

"You're just going to look at me and not speak, huh?" Demyx chuckled lightly. A joyful, tinkling sound. "Silly me. I'm lucky you're not going berserk on my ass. But-" he looked up at the Diviner. "A kiss from you would've been-"

He was cut off when Saix gathered the front of Demyx's robe into his fist and wrenched him towards himself. Their eyes locked for just one second, thinking every thought that needed to be thought to justify this and dismissing all others. Then Saix's lips crushed Demyx's. They shared one breath suddenly and they thought of no consequences as their bodies tingled and tongues slid out to meet each other, gliding over a smile, Saix's tongue sought entrance into Demyx's mouth and got it.

Warmth flooded through the kiss to every part of their bodies. Demyx's cupped one side of Saix's face and gripped his arm with the other. The berserker found himself out of control and pulling Demyx hard against him... on top of him.

They tested and tasted one another, until it seemed they should stop, with one last gentle peck they were back to where they started, green eyes meeting yellow ones and now, a gentle haze of drizzle letting lose from the sky.

Then Saix stood up. He didn't smile, he just pulled his gaze away from the magnetic sea and began to walk a lazy path across the rooftop, under that glowing, hopeful light.

The question of why he saved Demyx was nothing- _nothing _compared to how much this one was going to plague him.

Why in all the worlds did he KISS Demyx?

He clicked his fingers to summon a dark portal, and turned, looking at the Melodious Nocturne smiling up at the sky again.

Maybe he was a Nobody to rely on.

Just maybe.


End file.
